“Death Race”–now with hot chicks!

Have you seen the trailer for the remake of “Death Race 2000″ (now called, simply, “Death Race”)?

I’m not sure what I think of it. On the one hand, it does have a lot of explosions and fancy driving and Ian McShane. But on the other, it stars Jason Statham, late of “Crank,” the only movie I have EVER walked out on in a theater.

I’m sure Jason Statham is a decent guy, but I absolutely cannot sit through a movie where he’s the star. I keep hearing about how great “The Transporter” is, but I’ve attempted to watch it three or four times now and I always lose interest after 15 minutes. And “Crank”…good God, don’t get me started on that. It probably has some fans out there, and God love ya if you’re one of them, but that was the worst piece of crap I’ve ever had the unbridled displeasure of spending five bucks to see.

Another thing that irritated me in the trailer for “Death Race”: the female inmates brought in to navigate for the drivers in the race. Did anybody else notice that they were all, to a person, hot chicks? What happened? Was there a mass riot by Victoria’s Secret models? Where were the 300 pound matrons who could flatten your head with one pounding of a meaty fist? Where were the skeletal crack hos? Where were the unwashed murderers who cut off their husband’s tallywhackers after he demanded sex one too many times?

Instead, every one of the female prisoners–like all female prisoners in action movies (I’m looking at YOU, “The Condemned”)–are gorgeous and stacked. The only concession to the grittiness of prison life is the glowy sheen of sweat shining on their perky boobs.

Makes me want to shank a bitch.